drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
