No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
