She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
