"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
