I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
