Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
