i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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