The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
