the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
