wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
