onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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