You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Randomize
