Are we in a gay sports bar?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Text me some of your sweat
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
