I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize