I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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