I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
