Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
