she looked like the before picture.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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