i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
