so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
My ass is underappreciated
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
