there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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