don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
