i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
