if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
