you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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