census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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