Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
