i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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