Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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