Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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