i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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