wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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