I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize