I hope my margaritas pass through security.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
