i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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