My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
