I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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