if you like me you must not know who I am
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize