Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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