His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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