You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Go christen that room with your naked body.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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