fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
