you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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