im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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