Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
