I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
