Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I cannot find my penis.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Two words: blizzard sex
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
