Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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