pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize