I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize