There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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