Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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