Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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