Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
This is my gift to your gina
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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