woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
