if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
