She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Boobs speak an international language.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
