How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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