We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
