why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
my shit smells like andre
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
