I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
