Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
