i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
